Sincerely, Saskia

When I was a child, I thought that once a woman turned 30 and wasn’t married with kids, she spontaneously fell off the edge of the earth, never to be heard from again. You can blame movies and the lack of age appropriate representation for that one.

I’ve been nervous about this birthday milestone for most of my life. For some reason though, when I turned 29 my perception shifted, and I promised I’d see out my 20s with a bang and embrace the big 3 0 – and the decade that follows – with everything I had. 

I felt like I spent the majorities of my 20s fighting; fighting to be understood, fighting to defend my choices, fighting for my friends or fighting for the right to be who I was. I think after all that you’re meant to have some respite somewhere down the line, no?

What’s the point in going through all that if you can’t come out the other side having learnt some of life’s hard lessons?

So, here are 30 of the most important lessons I’m carrying into my 30s, now that I have finally turned 30. Can I say 30 again?

1. There’s no such thing as a sure thing

Long-term friends, family members, people you’ve known and loved for years will surprise you in the worst of ways

2. Men are trash 

Only trash men will be offended by this; good, decent men (notice I didn’t say nice guys because they’re the worst ones) know what’s up

3. If you don’t do it, it won’t happen 

We spend too much time willing things into existence instead of actually doing them – we’re all guilty of it

4. Rejection fuels all stupid decisions

We give rejection way too much power, when rejection is simply redirection, stop trying to fight it and see where it takes you

5. Disappointment is guaranteed 

No matter what, you’re going to get hurt at some point, it shouldn’t stop you from living or trying new things

6. Online dating is a huge waste of time 

For everyone, no matter who you date – everyone is certifiable

7. Nothing is worth faking an orgasm 

If you didn’t get yours when you were probably doing most of the work anyway, let him f**king know 

8. If they wanted to, they would 

The most underrated advice on the planet – it’s the 20s version of ‘he’s just not that into you’

9. I am high maintenance AF

Type-A ‘til I die and I won’t apologise for it

10. You’re always capable of more than you think 

Trust in your ability and learn to hype yourself up the same way you hype up that girl you just met in the bathroom of the club

11. Self care is mandatory

It comes in a million and one forms, find what works for you but don’t skip out on it

12. People who say they like the gym are lying to you

I still go but I’m not happy about it – the gym is hell

13. I will never be thin

It’s never been a goal of mine but more like something I felt like I had to work towards… well, not anymore. I like food and I like taking naps, do with that what you will

14. The biological clock is a not myth

No, it’s not something created by the patriarchy to trick you into having babies so they can control you. I want ten babies and I want them immediately and YES, I do pass time in the morning by crying over babies I don’t know on Instagram – and?

15. London is grossly overrated 

I love and hate it here, but I think the hate is stronger 

16. Driving has made me hate a whole new group of people 

Tesla, Beemer and white van drivers, kindly GFY

17. Your own company is priceless

Don’t ever feel bad about choosing to spend time on your own, outside is overrated

18. Don’t idolise anyone, EVER 

This one is harder than it sounds but your childhood favourites are either on the way to jail right now or one old tweet away from cancellation – save yourself the disappointment

19. People should need a license to have social media accounts and podcasts 

Some people are just so f**king stupid 

20. My tolerance for everything is in the bin

And I love it 

21. Suppressing your feelings is overrated 

Pretending to be fine when you’re not is a silent killer… crash out babe, they’ll get over it

22. Everyone needs something they care about 

Having outlets is a key to survival and a great coping mechanism

23. People don’t have morals anymore

“If you stand for nothing, what will you fall for?” Yes, I stole that from Hamilton but, they said it best

24. Common sense is a dying trait

Like, seriously… where is it?

25. Cancel culture ruins women more than men 

Do not make me pull receipts.

26. Don’t treat someone better than you would treat yourself 

You won’t forgive yourself for that one thing you did ten years ago but this man has cheated on you twice and he’s still living in your house… GTFOOH

27. Taking the high road is overrated 

Sometimes you just need to let out your petty side…

28. Not everyone or everything is for you 

And that is OKAY. Please stop chasing people and places and things that were never meant for you

29. Getting closure from the person who hurt you is a myth 

If you can get closure on your own by having genuine, honest conversations with yourself, admitting your role in the situation and allowing yourself to heal, no heartache will ever stop you again

30. You don’t have to have everything figured out 

It probably won’t go the exact way you wanted it to anyway, so leave room for the unexpected