Sincerely, Saskia

Birthdays really do divide people. I guess in the same way any hallmark holiday does – whilst some see it as a reason to celebrate and crack open the Prosecco (or Tequila in my case), others see their birthday as a day like no other and require no special attention to be paid to it, or more specifically, to them.

I am proudly one of the former. I love a good birthday, mostly my own because being in control of the day and hosting really is my wheelhouse. Plus, I get to share my birthday with my best friend, which can make my tranquil planning stages slightly maddening, but always worth it in the end.

Last week, I turned 29. There was once a time where anything over 25 seemed like a living nightmare that I was in absolutely no hurry to reach. Between spending my 27th birthday in tears because I didn’t have a husband or child (things I’m not even ready for but hey, societal pressure and all that) to not even remembering the birthdays in between, I expected my feelings about turning 29 to trigger a new breakdown about not being fulfilled or having recently had a relationship end. I’m very pleased to report that no such meltdown took place and instead, the day before I turned 29, I woke up with a sense of excitement.

There was no tragic outburst about being newly single, no quivering over being one step closer to big three-0. I felt 29 had become me, which is strange because we usually don’t feel any kind of shift until at least a few weeks later. To be honest, I think I was just happy to have a moments pause and take stock of what’s going on in my life, whilst feeling grateful to be where I’m at in life.  While most people chase the stroke of midnight on New Year’s Eve, I love nothing more than a mid-year refresh of perspective that comes from a birthday or the change of a season. For a busy, overthinking mind like my own, it’s practically mandatory.

2024 didn’t start the way I had intended it to at all, and I have it on good authority that it didn’t go that way for a lot of people. Regardless of what was happening at the start of this year, I’ve still had some pretty amazing times with the people I love and it’s this theme that I want to continue. Not only for the last year that I can pass off not knowing the latest influencer as too cool to care as opposed to simply being out of the loop, but beyond that as well.

Life is way too short and regardless of how many times we’ve heard that, we still haven’t fully grasped the meaning.

The fact that turning 30 no longer fills me with dread – not sure when this happened but I’m grateful for the change of mind set – there’s no reason to spend the last of year of perceived youth moping around contemplating what comes next. I am guilty of taking myself a bit too seriously at times. Everything is the end of the world and a lot of thought and anxiousness goes into making the smallest of decisions because I don’t want to get it wrong. There was a time where I embodied ‘shoot first and ask questions later’ and I think I need to try harder to get back to that mindset. But I digress. For the last year of my 20s, now we’re not so anxious about the future, I am choosing to abandon and actively avoid all of the things in life that don’t bring me fun and joy.

Instead of making lists (outside of the ‘before 30 bucket list’ because that’s just fun) swearing off bad people, bad things and bad behaviours, I want to embody the feeling I felt the day before I turned 29 at every chance I get. It’s not about other people, it’s about me wanting to choose the path least travelled and just make the executive decision to walk away from things that don’t make me happy – as is all of our right.

There are situations in life that we cannot be so choosy over. Work, family, relationships for those of you in serious ones; there are more things in our lives that really do weigh us down than there are things that fill us with happiness. And it’s no one’s fault, but it’s all the more reason to adopt a zero tolerance to the bullshit in all of the areas of our lives that we have a say over. Friendships, dating, our free time, saying yes or no to invitations, who we surround ourselves with and what we choose to do to enrich our experience outside of the struggles and situations that anchor us.

You wouldn’t think prioritising fun was something one consciously had to do but it absolutely is when it comes to choosing yourself because it’s so easy to sleep on our own happiness. As a former people pleaser and sucker for punishment, I would happily stay in situations that served others and not myself. That’s something that took me a long time to get out of, and what am I doing with this new found freedom? Spending my time worrying how my actions might affect someone else, how I come across to people I don’t know and frankly shouldn’t care about, worrying about the optics when I know my true intentions. And for what? Life is way too short and regardless of how many times we’ve heard that, we still haven’t fully grasped the meaning. All that wasted energy negates all of the work I know I’ve done on myself up until this point, and that’s not something I’m comfortable just accepting.

So for my last trick (of my 20s at least), I’m going to do the most radical thing of them all… I am going to stop worrying about working on myself and simply enjoy my progress.

Working on yourself never stops, we should all know that by now. So, I’m trusting myself and letting it run in the background, while I go do whatever it is that’s going to put a smile on my face. And funnily enough, a cruise around the Iberian Coast sounds like the perfect place to start.

Cheers to the next 359 days of choosing fun…